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Sri Lanka Equity Forum » Stock Market Entertainment » Stock Market Entertainment

Stock Market Entertainment

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1 Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:50 am

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
There will be Short Stories,Song,Poet Saying....
Anything found made us fun? It will be public Here daily as possible....

If any thing You may aware.. let others to enjoy

Your contribution to this tread for beneficially of all the users Is highly appreciated...



Last edited by SL.Market on Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:52 am; edited 1 time in total

2 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:51 am

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:1




3 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 22, 2011 6:55 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:2

4 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 22, 2011 8:15 pm

kavi84


Senior Equity Analytic
Senior Equity Analytic

5 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:13 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:4

Indian.
An Indian, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Indian was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Indian replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it." And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.










The Indian said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!





Last edited by SL.Market on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

6 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 3:38 pm

Roboticfx

avatar
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
I don't have an unlimited internet connection to watch above videos.


But I tell you, the things that you have posted under N0.4 are not suitable for this forum. Exclamation

Please do jokes without these kind of "adults only" words. Exclamation

7 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:26 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
@Roboticfx wrote:I don't have an unlimited internet connection to watch above videos.


But I tell you, the things that you have posted under N0.4 are not suitable for this forum. Exclamation

Please do jokes without these kind of "adults only" words. Exclamation

Ohh sorry my friend... I missed that there are some kids in this forum. That is looking at what they are saying about trading what they did.. hiks

Fulfilled your request and thanks for highlighting it..

8 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:30 pm

Roboticfx

avatar
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Thanks SL.Market. You are one of my friends. Very Happy

9 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:42 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
@Roboticfx wrote:Thanks SL.Market. You are one of my friends. Very Happy
That is why i neutralized the - rep given to you..
you see some kids here?

10 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:55 pm

Roboticfx

avatar
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
I'm also a kid!

11 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:41 pm

sawdanjema


Equity Analytic
Equity Analytic
@SL.Market wrote:No:4

Indian.
An Indian, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Indian was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Indian replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it." And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.
good one









The Indian said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!



12 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:56 pm

Roboticfx

avatar
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
sawdanjema,
Did u give us -rep?

13 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Tue Sep 27, 2011 8:54 am

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:5
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.


To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.


To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.


To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.


To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.


To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to

A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.


To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.


To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.


Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.


You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member :

LOSE ONE.

The origin of this letter is unknown,
But it brings good luck to everyone who passes it on.


Do not keep this letter.
Peace, love and prosperity to all!


Remember...


hold on tight to the ones you love!

14 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Tue Sep 27, 2011 9:24 am

PGNN


Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
A man was sick & tired of going to work everyday, while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day & put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.' God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. ... The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate... awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home & picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners & stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills & balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box & bathed the dog... Then, it was already 1 PM & he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, sweep & mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids & got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk & cookies & got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board & watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes & washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops & snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids & put them to bed. At 9 PM He was exhausted, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke & immediately knelt by the bed & said: 'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!' The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson & I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But, you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night!"

15 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:04 pm

madeinsrilanka


Stock Analytic
Stock Analytic
Meeting Mom

My cousin was in love and wanted to introduce his bride-to-be to his hypercritical mother. But in order to get an unbiased opinion, he invited over three other female friends as well and didn't tell his mom which one he intended to marry.

After the four women left, he asked his mother, "Can you guess which one I want to marry?"

"The one with short hair."

"Yes! How'd you know?"

"Because that's the one I didn't like."


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tourists

Tourists ask a lot of questions as we travel between the Hawaiian Islands on my charter boat.
Some people wanted to know, "Does the water go all the way around the island?" Another asked,
"How much further until we're in the ocean?" But the one that made me want to jump overboard was,
"Can you please take the boat closer to the sunset?"

16 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Sep 28, 2011 1:31 am

Slstock

avatar
Director - Equity Analytics
Director - Equity Analytics
Laughing bounce

Keep going guys.

17 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Sep 28, 2011 10:08 am

PGNN


Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem

18 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Sep 28, 2011 11:13 am

yoyo

avatar
Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One
wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My
husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the
window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly
discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual
marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had
been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in
the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so
wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved alongside him. "Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh , yes" our friend answered
breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run
and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, " Do you
always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope......... just when it's raining".

19 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:13 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:5





















Last edited by SL.Market on Thu Sep 29, 2011 4:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

20 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 29, 2011 3:21 pm

yoyo

avatar
Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...
Teacher : What kind of wife do you like Johnny?
Johnny : I want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm
like the moon?
Johnny : No, I want her to come at night and disappear in the morning....

21 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Sep 29, 2011 7:27 pm

madeinsrilanka


Stock Analytic
Stock Analytic
@yoyo wrote:One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...
Teacher : What kind of wife do you like Johnny?
Johnny : I want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm
like the moon?
Johnny : No, I want her to come at night and disappear in the morning....


Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy cheers

22 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:30 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:12

stupid question, great response!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian..

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:!
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio-cast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, this interview was over.

Many things depend on our vision…..

23 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Oct 03, 2011 6:15 pm

kumaramcr


Equity Analytic
Equity Analytic
@yoyo wrote:One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...
Teacher : What kind of wife do you like Johnny?
Johnny : I want a wife like the moon...
Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm
like the moon?
Johnny : No, I want her to come at night and disappear in the morning....

Lol..

24 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:02 am

yoyo

avatar
Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
@SL.Market wrote:No:12

stupid question, great response!

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an Australian..

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:!
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.


FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio-cast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, this interview was over.

Many things depend on our vision…..

lol!

25 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 12:47 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:13









Last edited by SL.Market on Thu Oct 06, 2011 8:58 am; edited 3 times in total

26 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:17 pm

investor.sl

avatar
Senior Equity Analytic
Senior Equity Analytic
Always speak the truth to your parents
.
.
.
.
.
and
.
.
.
.
.
Run away immediately after speaking it.

27 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 4:19 pm

investor.sl

avatar
Senior Equity Analytic
Senior Equity Analytic
Seeing a Cockroach on ur bed
is nothing actually....!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The Real Problem Starts When It Disappears...!! ;-)

28 This is the life.... on Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:03 pm

sriranga

avatar
Co-Admin
God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiring from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back” You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much” Give me only 20 years.
God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend” You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog.
"The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years are too much, give me only 15 years.
God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.
"The monkey answered: "To live 20 years are too much, give me only 10 years.
God granted his wish.

Finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth”. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
God granted man's wish.
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, He lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life, isn’t it?

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

29 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:03 pm

marketleader


Stock Trader
A father sent his son abroad to get a good education. On his return after getting the business management degree,
the father took the son to show his business, a sausage factory.

After the inspection was over, the father asked the son for his suggestions to improve the business.

The son said: " I noticed that you are putting pigs into the machine and getting the sausages out.,
instead of this as a new concept, why don't we reverse-engineer the process
and put sausages in and get the pigs out from the machine.?"

Dad got so annoyed and said, " Wow, you are so bright!
But only your mom has this kind of machine.
When I put my sausage in, a pig came out as son!"

30 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 5:20 pm

yoyo

avatar
Manager - Equity Analytics
Manager - Equity Analytics
A couple went to a doctor because the man was feeling down, tired all the time. The doctor said I will give a shot of vitamins, a prescription for some pep pills from the drugstore, and an empty jar for checking your sperm count - bring it back in next week so I can check it. When the guy came back to the doctor, the doctor said "Why, this jar is empty, I told you I needed to do a sperm count." The guy said, "I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, my wife tried with her left hand and she also tried with her right hand, she even tried with her teeth. We could not get that jar open!"

31 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:13 pm

2011_NewComer

avatar
Senior Manager - Equity Analytics
Senior Manager - Equity Analytics
A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman


DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Tech Support

32 Lesson of Management on Wed Oct 05, 2011 10:22 pm

sriranga

avatar
Co-Admin
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her
$800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?
'The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk.
'I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.
'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there...

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!



Source: Received via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

33 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Fri Oct 07, 2011 3:29 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics

34 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Fri Oct 07, 2011 3:34 pm

Roboticfx

avatar
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
Senior Vice President - Equity Analytics
@sriranga wrote:God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiring from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back” You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.
The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much” Give me only 20 years.
God granted his wish.

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend” You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.You will be a dog.
"The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years are too much, give me only 15 years.
God granted his wish.

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years.
"The monkey answered: "To live 20 years are too much, give me only 10 years.
God granted his wish.

Finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth”. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.
Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.
God granted man's wish.
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, He lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life, isn’t it?

It is the reality. Yes, this is the life.

sriranga

avatar
Co-Admin
At home u watch TV,
But when u go out u take ur MOBILE.

No money, u sells the TV,
Got money u change ur MOBILE.

Sometimes u enjoy TV,
But most of the time u play with ur MOBILE.

TV is free for life,
But for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated.

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old,
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable.

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable,
But for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding.

TV has a remote,
MOBILE doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),
But with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not).
Do not keep the mobile phone in front of the TV

Last but not least..
TVs don’t have viruses,
But MOBILEs often do!.

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

36 Husband & Wife‏ on Sat Oct 08, 2011 3:56 am

sriranga

avatar
Co-Admin
Husband: Do you know the meaning of W I F E?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means,With Idiot For Ever


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one everyday.


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills..

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again


************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you..

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice"
Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile
Source: via email

http://sharemarket-srilanka.blogspot.co.uk/

37 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Thu Oct 13, 2011 6:40 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:23
Hi all,

Please read this joke...
Which is really smart,
Intelligent
And
Out of the box...!!!
(caution this is slightly Non-Veg!
Joke,
But, not offensive)

Enjoy!

A beautiful teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class.
She asked,"Boy. What is your problem?"

Boy answered,
"I'm too smart for the first-grade.
My sister is in the third-grade
And
I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the 4th Grade!"
Madam had enough.
She took the boy to the Principal's office.
While the boy waited in the outer office,
Madam explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test
And
If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade
And
Behave.
She agreed.

The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know.
The principal looks at Madam and tells her,
"I think this Boy can go to the 4th grade."

Madam says to the principal,
"I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him?"
The principal and the boy both agreed.

Madam asks,
"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of"?
Boy, after a moment,
"Legs."

Madam:
"What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.:
"Pockets."

Madam:
What starts with a C and ends with a T,
Is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.:
Coconut ;

Madam:
What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The Principal's eyes open really wide
And
Before he could stop the answer,
The boy was taking charge.
Boy.:
Bubble-gum.

Madam:
What does a man do standing up,
A woman does sitting down
And
A dog does on three legs?
The Principal's eyes open really wide
And
Before, he could stop the answer...
Boy.:
Shake hands.

Madam:
A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you're bored.
The best man always has me first.
Boy.:
Wedding Ring.

Madam:
I come in many sizes.
When I'm not well,
I drip.
When you blow me,
You feel good.
Boy.:
Nose.

Madam:
I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver..
Boy.:
Arrow.

Madam:
What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
That means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.:
Fire-truck.

Madam:
What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
&
If you don't get it,
You have to use your hand.
Boy.:
Fork.

Madam:
What is it that all men have one of,
it's longer on some men than on others,
The Pope doesn't use his
And
A man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.:
SURNAME.

Madam:
What part of the man has no bone
But has muscles,
Has lots of veins,
Like pumping,
&
Is responsible for making love ?
Boy.:
HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief
And
Said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to grade 5,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!".

38 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:28 pm

sas

avatar
Senior Manager - Equity Analytics
Senior Manager - Equity Analytics


speaker on

39 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Sat Oct 15, 2011 10:55 am

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:25
Little Amdon was sitting in class doing math problems when
his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Amdon, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one,
with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Amdon, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well the answer is four" said the teacher,
"but I like the way you are thinking."

Little Amdon says, "OK. Miss, I have a question for you now."
"If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop,
one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone ,
and the third was sucking the cone,
which one is married?"

"Well", said the teacher nervously,
"I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No", said Little Amdon,
"the one with the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you are thinking."

40 Re: Stock Market Entertainment on Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:36 pm

SL.Market

avatar
Vice President - Equity Analytics
Vice President - Equity Analytics
No:26
Little Amdon was sitting in class doing math problems when
his teacher picked him to answer a question.

Throughout life you will meet one person who is unlike any other. You can talk to this person for hours and never get bored. You can tell this person things and they will never judge you. This person is your soul mate...your best friend, never let them go...

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